jmh5

Hi there,

I have been at alanon for about 8 months and I separated from my partner 3 months ago. I recently got a sponsor and am working through the steps and feel a though I have started the process of recovery (but know that there is a long way to go). About the same time that I separated from A, I decided I was not going to pursue anymore relationships for a long while (5+ years) and decided that in 2-3 year I would have a child on my own. I am financially able too and I feel that with the support I have around me and another few years in recovery I could do this.

I felt a lot of relief in making that decision. I felt it gave me a lot of space to focus on myself and my recovery.

Since that point I have had a number of advances by unsuitable/inappropriate people and I have managed them well i.e. being upfront where appropriate or simply not responding to contact.

I have also had two people (one in alanon with 5+ years recovery) and another old friend that I have noticed I have an attraction to. I see there is future potential something with the alanon member (who after hearing since I've been in alanon for 8 mths, I believe is very strong in recovery).

I do not want to start a new relationship at the moment, but I am enjoying a respectful friendship with both, but I am also a bit fearful of getting too close with it impacting on my recovery. I noticed I am starting to distance myself the alanon member and not chatting after meetings where we used to.

I am just wondering if there is any recommended timeframe around when to start a new relationship. I have spoken to my sponsor and she wasn't sure if there was a timeframe but thought she had heard 2 years. She also gave sound advice around new relationships in the early stages of recovery can impact on healing.

I'd be keen to hear any advice on maintaining the friendship (or not) and what others experiences have been with 2 alanon members dating.

Thanks