Hi there Princess! Welcome to SR. I hope you find some help and guidance here. Five years before I finally stopped drinking (I was in the two bottles of wine a night club too...there are lots of us here in SR) I could have written your story, word for word. What a difference those five years made.
IOAA2 hit the nail on the head. In your story, virtually all of the sentences that begin with "I never..." could and should be followed by the word "YET". I'm sure that you are thinking no, I'll never go that far, those things will never happen to me. Never say never, especially where alcoholism is concerned. This is a progressive illness, steadily growing worse, each of your benchmarks of "I'm not that bad yet" falling by the wayside as experiences get more and more miserable and tragic.
This disease transcends race, age, social status, religion...few who have the alcoholic trait are immune to it. Sometimes its situational, sometimes genetic, it doesnt much matter, the result is the same. Ruin and wreckage, families destroyed, marriages torn apart, health and reputations destroyed. I sound scary and overly dramatic, right? The truth is, this doesn't even come close to how bad things can get.
But if you are truly commuted to moving into a sober life now, you are going to avoid so much heartache, so much devastation. I won't tell say whether or not you are an alcoholic or not, or how advanced you are...you have to determine that. I just can tell from your post that things haven't yet become desperate, and you have the opportunity to change your future, and not just yours, but your kids too. Children of alcoholics suffer the most. Damage wrought by a drinking parent can literally ruin their lives, destroy their relationships and more often than not send them into their own descent into alcoholism.
I'm sorry that I've come down so hard. You sound like you are thinking really clearly, and that's so important as you begin your journey. It's just that your story is so like mine, and I didn't stop in time, not by a long shot. I'm trying to make up for it now, but it's still hard, and I'm going into my 5th year of sobriety. Once again, welcome. I look forward to hearing lots more from you.