I'd like to formally introduce myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 66
I'd like to formally introduce myself
Hello, I've posted here twice but that was more of an "I'm having a bad moment right now...help" kinda way. Now, I'd just like to say "hi".
Well, I'm a married mother of 3. I live in a nice house, take amazing vacations, have been somewhat successful professionally, and yet...I still drink. A LOT.
The first time I drank (when I was 14) I got so hammered I blacked out and threw up. I repeated this everytime I drank in high school. Don't know why I kept doing it. I've been drinking pretty much ever since. Sometimes only binging on the weekends, sometimes moderating somewhat successfully, sometimes completely out of control embarrassing myself and getting into dangerous situations, sometimes...well, I could go on and on but I won't.
I'll just fast forward to today. I haven't thrown up since high school. I don't get really bad hangovers (physically anyway), I've never called in sick due to drinking (but due to the nature of my job, I've turned down assignments that could get in the way of my drinking). I take good care of my kids, I'm never drunk in front of them, I don't drive while drunk, I've never gotten a DUI, never been arrested, my friends all know I enjoy my wine-maybe even a little too much-but I don't think anyone thinks its a real problem. And yet...
I know it is.
I know that I hate waking up feeling like I've failed myself. I know that if there had been a fire or something in the middle of the night I could have let my family down. I know that in my faith, I've let my Savior down. I know that at one point I was concerned that I could knock back a whole bottle of wine and feel fine the next day-then I became concerned when that one bottle turned into two. I would even push it beyond 2 bottles sometimes. But, anything beyond 2 bottles and I would feel some significant hungover effects but by far the worst of these was the depression. I got to calling them "the hangover blues." Such a cute name for such a desperate and desolate feeling.
I actually thought that I was ok since I no longer put myself in outwardly dangerous situations. I no longer embarrass myself while out because I keep to to a glass or 2 (at MOST 3) in front of others or while out. I preach and model moderation to my kids (only to pass out most nights after they're in bed) so I kind of thought I had a handle on the situation. Only a few select people see me drunk these days and they are all huge drinkers themselves so it wasn't frowned upon. So I thought I was ok but I knew deep down that I wasn't. If I really, truly believed I was ok, I wouldn't pray every morning for God to help me. The thing is, I always prayed for God to help me keep it under control. Be satisfied with just a couple drinks, like everyone else I know. I never, ever considered not drinking at ALL.
This all changed last Monday. I woke up with that familiar sickening feeling "ugh I've done it again." But, this was worse. When my husband had called me Sunday night to ask if I wanted red or white wine I answered "I can't decide, just get me both" even though I knew I planned to drink both. Interesting too since I wouldn't have gotten any judgment from the husband as he's a big drinker too, he's just better at not doing it when he has something important the next day. So I had both the red and the white. Then had a shot of vodka (would've had more but that's all that was left) that STILL wasn't enough. I went searching the cupboards and found some really old vermouth and did several shots of that. Eeeeewww!
This left me Monday morning with a significant hangover. As mentioned in my other post I googled "how to quit drinking" (for a while I meant, not forever) and I stumbled upon this site. I see myself reflected in all your stories. I've now made a commitment to sobriety at least for now. I have no idea how to accomplish this. I really can't imagine going to an actual AA meeting where I don't know anyone (or WORSE where I DO know someone!) I am just mentally making lists of things things that would be better if I experienced them sober. For example, drinking has always been a huge part of our vacations but when I really thought about it, (with the exeption with New Orleans which is still on my bucket list and I still cant wrap my head around a visit there that doesnt involve alcohol. sorry to all the New Orleans people) I think the experience would be SO much richer if I haven't numbed my five senses. We have plans to go to the Grand Canyon next year and I can only imagine seeing one of the seven wonders of the world with ALL my wits about me! I might even watch a sunrise that didnt involve staying up from the night before...imagine!
Anyway, I have no idea how this will play out. I still have lots of our "good" bottles of wine here that we save for special occasions and we've brought home from France, Italy, Norhern California. Because, you know, a regular old Tuesday night really only calls for a couple bottles of the $5.99 variety doesn't it? All I know is that for now, I can't drink. At all. I've tried to moderate by changing times, drinks, amounts, etc all to no avail.
So here I am. I'm pretty lost and confused but I'm on day 8 and noticing the bloating and puffiness is subsiding, my eyes aren't watering like crazy, I've slept like a baby for an entire week and I haven't done that since, well, since I probably was a baby! And I'm grateful for all of you and this site! Thanks for letting me introduce myself.
It's nice to meet you all!
Well, I'm a married mother of 3. I live in a nice house, take amazing vacations, have been somewhat successful professionally, and yet...I still drink. A LOT.
The first time I drank (when I was 14) I got so hammered I blacked out and threw up. I repeated this everytime I drank in high school. Don't know why I kept doing it. I've been drinking pretty much ever since. Sometimes only binging on the weekends, sometimes moderating somewhat successfully, sometimes completely out of control embarrassing myself and getting into dangerous situations, sometimes...well, I could go on and on but I won't.
I'll just fast forward to today. I haven't thrown up since high school. I don't get really bad hangovers (physically anyway), I've never called in sick due to drinking (but due to the nature of my job, I've turned down assignments that could get in the way of my drinking). I take good care of my kids, I'm never drunk in front of them, I don't drive while drunk, I've never gotten a DUI, never been arrested, my friends all know I enjoy my wine-maybe even a little too much-but I don't think anyone thinks its a real problem. And yet...
I know it is.
I know that I hate waking up feeling like I've failed myself. I know that if there had been a fire or something in the middle of the night I could have let my family down. I know that in my faith, I've let my Savior down. I know that at one point I was concerned that I could knock back a whole bottle of wine and feel fine the next day-then I became concerned when that one bottle turned into two. I would even push it beyond 2 bottles sometimes. But, anything beyond 2 bottles and I would feel some significant hungover effects but by far the worst of these was the depression. I got to calling them "the hangover blues." Such a cute name for such a desperate and desolate feeling.
I actually thought that I was ok since I no longer put myself in outwardly dangerous situations. I no longer embarrass myself while out because I keep to to a glass or 2 (at MOST 3) in front of others or while out. I preach and model moderation to my kids (only to pass out most nights after they're in bed) so I kind of thought I had a handle on the situation. Only a few select people see me drunk these days and they are all huge drinkers themselves so it wasn't frowned upon. So I thought I was ok but I knew deep down that I wasn't. If I really, truly believed I was ok, I wouldn't pray every morning for God to help me. The thing is, I always prayed for God to help me keep it under control. Be satisfied with just a couple drinks, like everyone else I know. I never, ever considered not drinking at ALL.
This all changed last Monday. I woke up with that familiar sickening feeling "ugh I've done it again." But, this was worse. When my husband had called me Sunday night to ask if I wanted red or white wine I answered "I can't decide, just get me both" even though I knew I planned to drink both. Interesting too since I wouldn't have gotten any judgment from the husband as he's a big drinker too, he's just better at not doing it when he has something important the next day. So I had both the red and the white. Then had a shot of vodka (would've had more but that's all that was left) that STILL wasn't enough. I went searching the cupboards and found some really old vermouth and did several shots of that. Eeeeewww!
This left me Monday morning with a significant hangover. As mentioned in my other post I googled "how to quit drinking" (for a while I meant, not forever) and I stumbled upon this site. I see myself reflected in all your stories. I've now made a commitment to sobriety at least for now. I have no idea how to accomplish this. I really can't imagine going to an actual AA meeting where I don't know anyone (or WORSE where I DO know someone!) I am just mentally making lists of things things that would be better if I experienced them sober. For example, drinking has always been a huge part of our vacations but when I really thought about it, (with the exeption with New Orleans which is still on my bucket list and I still cant wrap my head around a visit there that doesnt involve alcohol. sorry to all the New Orleans people) I think the experience would be SO much richer if I haven't numbed my five senses. We have plans to go to the Grand Canyon next year and I can only imagine seeing one of the seven wonders of the world with ALL my wits about me! I might even watch a sunrise that didnt involve staying up from the night before...imagine!
Anyway, I have no idea how this will play out. I still have lots of our "good" bottles of wine here that we save for special occasions and we've brought home from France, Italy, Norhern California. Because, you know, a regular old Tuesday night really only calls for a couple bottles of the $5.99 variety doesn't it? All I know is that for now, I can't drink. At all. I've tried to moderate by changing times, drinks, amounts, etc all to no avail.
So here I am. I'm pretty lost and confused but I'm on day 8 and noticing the bloating and puffiness is subsiding, my eyes aren't watering like crazy, I've slept like a baby for an entire week and I haven't done that since, well, since I probably was a baby! And I'm grateful for all of you and this site! Thanks for letting me introduce myself.
It's nice to meet you all!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Day 8 here too Princess. In fact I had a crappy day as it happens - just a return to the withdrawal I felt the first three days or so. Didn't deter me though. An AA meeting this evening really helped a great deal too.
All the very best with dealing with your particular demons!
All the very best with dealing with your particular demons!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi PJ.
" I don't get really bad hangovers (physically anyway), I've never called in sick due to drinking (but due to the nature of my job, I've turned down assignments that could get in the way of my drinking). I take good care of my kids, I'm never drunk in front of them, I don't drive while drunk, I've never gotten a DUI, never been arrested, my friends all know I enjoy my wine-maybe even a little too much-but I don't think anyone thinks its a real problem. And yet...
I know it is."
I was told when I told people in AA that similar things hadn't happened to me they said add the word YET. Your Eligible To. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and only gets worse, I never in 30+ years in AA heard anyone say drinking was better now after stopping for awhile. The program is made up of people like yourself, Parents, siblings, friends and relatives along with co workers who are staying sober one day at a time. There is a goldmine of help and info here on this site also. We have to be honest about our drinking and sometimes that's something that's hard to admit. It's comforting to know we don't have to get way down into the pit of alcoholism if we just don't drink one day at a time. BE WELL
" I don't get really bad hangovers (physically anyway), I've never called in sick due to drinking (but due to the nature of my job, I've turned down assignments that could get in the way of my drinking). I take good care of my kids, I'm never drunk in front of them, I don't drive while drunk, I've never gotten a DUI, never been arrested, my friends all know I enjoy my wine-maybe even a little too much-but I don't think anyone thinks its a real problem. And yet...
I know it is."
I was told when I told people in AA that similar things hadn't happened to me they said add the word YET. Your Eligible To. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and only gets worse, I never in 30+ years in AA heard anyone say drinking was better now after stopping for awhile. The program is made up of people like yourself, Parents, siblings, friends and relatives along with co workers who are staying sober one day at a time. There is a goldmine of help and info here on this site also. We have to be honest about our drinking and sometimes that's something that's hard to admit. It's comforting to know we don't have to get way down into the pit of alcoholism if we just don't drink one day at a time. BE WELL
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
Thanks for sharing your story PJ 
I always felt I could do better, I could do more with what I'd been given than to simply drink it away.
I found out I was right - and I know you will too
Congrats on 8 days
D
I always felt I could do better, I could do more with what I'd been given than to simply drink it away.
I found out I was right - and I know you will too
Congrats on 8 days
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
You guys are strong! If I had a bottle here, I would be opening it in 18 minutes. 5:00. I was going to go get some meat for dinner, and found something in the freezer to avoid going out where I would drive past the wine store.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by PrincessJasmine 
But, anything beyond 2 bottles and I would feel some significant hungover effects but by far the worst of these was the depression. I got to calling them "the hangover blues." Such a cute name for such a desperate and desolate feeling.
Today is 14 days for me. I feel great! I always thought the main reason be mind my drinking was to deal with my anxiety and depression. Since, Day 7 and on, I have absolutely no sense of being anxious or depressed. It truly is such a freeing feeling.
You will love SR. It is my best therapy.
Look forward to seeing your around!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by PrincessJasmine
with the exeption with New Orleans which is still on my bucket list and I still cant wrap my head around a visit there that doesnt involve alcohol. sorry to all the New Orleans people
I took a break from sobriety for a night out in New Orleans. I mean, French Quarter, right? Hurricanes, right? So...drank just a wee bit too much, well...more like much too much and was mugged, robbed on the way back to the hotel. I'm really lucky that it wasn't bad but it never would have happened if I wasn't out until ridiculously late and ridiculously drunk. It probably saved my life because that was what it took for me to finally say no more. That was 11 days ago.
My lesson is that there is always something to look forward to not stop drinking. It's a place, it's an occasion, it's a bottle of really expensive wine in your cellar. And it's a complete illusion.
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