Massive hugs to you Sasha x
What is coming over really strong in your posts is that you are blaming yourself for something that is completely out of your control. You are not in anyway to blame. You do however have a responsibility to look after yourself, if not only for your daughters sake. Don't worry about your relationship for now just make sure you have support for yourself. You obviously aren't getting support at home so you need to speak to someone else. Personally I think you should talk to your mother. My mum can be a massive source of problems for me but I know that when the sh;t hits the fan she would do anything for me. You need to tell your family what's going on. I was in an abusive relationship once and the isolation was what was so damaging, not the abuse. I didn't want to tell anyone because I thought I had failed and I wanted to protect my partner. I felt so much better when I was honest with other people. Please talk to people, maybe you'll even get that cuddle
Also if you phone Mind (
Mental Health - Mind, The Mental Health Charity - Mind) they can arrange counselling for you, free of charge. There may be a waiting list but you will get an initial assessment pretty quick. There is also The Samaritans
Contact us | Samaritans
Please don't blame yourself for anything. It sounds like things are tough all round and men have the tendency to seek solace elsewhere rather than face their problems. Sweeping generalisation I know but it sounds like that's what's happening.
Hugs x