Hi Eleni!! I am sorry you're being pummeled I totally know what you mean! I thought I was fine and immune and was really blindsided by myself the other day when I did relapse. I've actually locked myself inside and stayed on the site pretty much all day today... I'm kind of afraid of my own cravings at the moment.
One thing that I didn't do that you DID do was reach out at that moment.
There's lots of people that know what you're feeling right now. I wish you the best of luck getting through this tough spot