Eleni58

To those of you who have been following my posts will know that quitting drinking has been pretty easy for me so far--minimal withdrawal symptoms, no urges to drink whatsoever, no depression or anxiety and it seemed like I had reached the point that there was nothing that would "trigger" me into wanting to drink again. Afterall, I had survived sober experiences with being in pain, insomnia, being around people who were drinking, minor spats with my boyfriend and family--all without having any urges to drink. I felt invincible!

I actually thought I was different from the rest of you--sometimes I even felt guilty--reading many posts about people early in recovery who had relapsed several times or were struggling with sobriety and overwhelmed and consumed with thoughts of drinking and/or not drinking. Why wasn't I miserable or struggling? Was I one of a kind? Or just lucky and blessed to have escaped the dark side of recovery?

And then it happened!! Today marks 38 days of sobriety but I don't know how much longer I can keep stringing the consecutive days without drinking.

You see, I have been extremely angry for the past three days at my boyfriend regarding him sitting in bars and getting drunk and his sudden hostility and resentment about my sobriety. He has punished me by giving me the silent treatment amongst other negative behavior aimed to intentionally make me angry.

Extreme anger has triggered me! I have had an overwhelming urge to get drunk since Friday. I have tried everything to get rid of those urges but nothing is working! They are not constant urges--come in waves but those waves are fast becoming tidal waves.

I think I know what I need to do with the boyfriend situation but that is not my immediate concern. Right now my concern is my possible relapse.

ScottFromWI

This is where the rubber hits the road so to speak Eleni. You have learned a lot in your time here, and you've made great progress. Now you have hit the first real test. Have still been going to some AA meetings? Your sponsor or a number to call could really help now. Also remember some of your early posts, you don't want to go back there. Remember also that drinking now WILL absolutely make things worse.

jaynie04

Eleni, hang on, you can do this!!!!!! Writing about where you are and where you head is at is taking action, and interrupting your chance at relapsing. Good for you.

Follow the tape of where that first drink will lead you. I know you are having a rough go with your BF right now, but drinking won't help clarify it.

You need to fight for this....you are so worth it! I am pulling for you!

FourSeasons

Just say no. 38 days is great progress. No offense, but your BF sounds like a jerk.

Plenny

Hi Eleni!! I am sorry you're being pummeled I totally know what you mean! I thought I was fine and immune and was really blindsided by myself the other day when I did relapse. I've actually locked myself inside and stayed on the site pretty much all day today... I'm kind of afraid of my own cravings at the moment.
One thing that I didn't do that you DID do was reach out at that moment.
There's lots of people that know what you're feeling right now. I wish you the best of luck getting through this tough spot

hope22

Eleni please don't drink. Congratulations on 38 days that is awesome. What has helped me when I had those urges was to "think the drink through" (Think of how you will feel tomorrow if you do drink) I also made a list of why I quit and another list of all of the benefits of sobriety. Reading those two lists and "thinking the drink through" helped me ride out urges.

Eleni58

Yes I have gone to AA--called sponsor--went fishing--tried reading--prayed--nothing working. I know drinking now WILL absolutely make things worse but the cravings seem overpowering

sugarbear1

Have you worked those steps?

hayley86

Hi Eleni, 38 days sober is great progress. I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. Drinking will only make any problems worse. The more sober time you have the less you will feel the urge to drink when you feel such emotions. Hang on in there. If you don't pick up a drink you cant relapse. You have a choice. These urges will pass. Its good that you are reaching out here. Stay strong.

jaynie04

Right after I read your post I turned on the news and they were reporting about 4 people who were killed in a car crash...it looks like substances were involved. My stomach did a leap, I realized that all of us online are battling, battling against the seductive pull against something that could kill us.

This is real, and this is scary. These are the places that first drink could lead us, hurting ourselves or others. As long as we don't drink we can control our actions.

Please don't give in to the siren song of alcohol, this is a fight for life, pure and simple.

I hope I am not being too forward, this is not easy, at times it can be brutal. But it will pass.....you can do this!

Plenny

Currently I am thoroughly convinced that a drink would be a great thing to have right now. In a really tough head space.
I have grappling hooks on my sobriety today and I'm holding your hand! By this I mean I am just eating chocolate chip ice cream and watching movies to dumb it all down for one more night. And I'm staying plugged in here too, it's helping remind me every 5 minutes or so that the reality of drinking would be SO different than what I'm fantasizing about right now. Stay with it Eleni!!! Xoxo

ScottFromWI

The cravings are only overpowering if you let them be. What do you possibly hold hope that taking a drink will cure? You hold the keys here, and you've gone almost 40 days without a sip. Think about it....why would today be any different from those 38? You can win this...

Anna

Eleni, don't let your boyfriend get you down. He doesn't have the power to upset you to the point of drinking. Take back your power and stay strong. As you said, you may have to get rid of the boyfriend since he doesn't support you or respect your recovery, but the main thing is stay strong.

PrincessJasmine

Ah! Now I see. Yes, similar experiences with our SO's indeed. Except I'm only on day 7. You're 31 days ahead of me. That is quite an accomplishment! Great job! If you can get through this, it will give me that little but of extra hope. I pray all the best for you! You have and can do this!

Eleni58

Jerk is understatement--he just got a pizza and ate whole thing in front of me without offering me any. He is pushing my buttons and I am not going to sit here and let him get to me. I am out of here!!!

Sulu1

Surely that is against the declaration of international human rights!?

But seriously, hang in there!

afla

Hi Eleni, your recovery is for yourself, don't let him hurting you take that from you.

13unluckyforsom

Stay sober - you win get drunk...,.. You lose ultimately you suffer either way but take the lesser of the two evils. 38 days is great and you know it! You don't need drink. You need to walk away - take a bath - read - listen to a song - something to calm you down - whatever works for you.

Eleni58

I just took a drive into town, got a sub sandwich, got back home and realised I took his power away by not reacting to anything he is saying or doing. I have bit my tongue all weekend. He finally gave up and went outside. I win! Anger slowly subsiding along with cravings...for now anyway. Just got to take it minute by minute..

Dee74

Anna is absolutely right. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' -I reckon no one can make you feel ANYTHING without your consent.

This is your Bf's deal, not yours

Have you tried urge surfing Eleni?

D