My AM lives with me and my fiance. She lost her house in April after not making any payments for nearly two years (and losing three jobs due to excessive absenteeism). She has no bills and receives $200 food assistance per month from the state. The deal was, she wouldn't pay rent but there wouldn't be beer in the house (that was a HUGE fight).
2 weeks ago, she got a new job. She borrowed $ from her sister to get her through to her paycheck. Since then, she's lived on beer and fast food, and our home life has been unbearable.
- She's asked for money every night since Wednesday (2 days before payday)
- She's asked when mine and FI's paydays are
- She's stolen all the pop from our pantry to return the cans for beer money
- She's stashed so many beer cans and left-over (moldy!) Wendy's that we now have ants in our basement
- She's told my FI that I was such a needy/high maintenance kid that she feels sorry for him
- She's given her dog bowl after bowl of our dog's expensive, allergy-specific food (despite her dog having her own food)
- She's ruined pans from trying to cook while drunk
- Some of our kitchen utensils / accessories have mysteriously disappeared
- She once hid all our dog's toys because she knocked over a pile of clean clothes mom had stacked on the floor
- She's criticized the amount of time we spend with my future in-laws (they live 2 hours away) and claims I'm turning my back on my family
- She says repeatedly that she may not be able to attend the wedding because she may be in pain or just may not feel like it
- And two nights ago, she yelled at me for not sending her a text message to let her know that her paycheck had not arrived
Yesterday, I hit my breaking point and we got into a big fight- all via email because she's a coward and wouldn't talk to me face-to-face (after shooing me out of my own basement in the morning and locking the door). The mail came at 4:30. FI checked it, and I messaged her to say that her check had not arrived. She replied back an hour later asking for $100, saying that she would pay me back that and that she is "trying to get the f*** out of here".
Before I could reply, she emailed back twice. The first saying "If you can't do $100, that is fine......" and "Could you please just f****** answer me so I can get the hell out of here?"
My FI was so irritated that he pulled $70 out of his apparently surprise honeymoon spending fund and said to give her that. I replied to her FI would let her borrow $70, and she replied: "So when can I get it? I am sorry but this is not my fault that I didn't get paid. I will move out as soon as I can and you and [FI] will never hear from me again."
I replied: "I am sorry, but it is also not my fault that you didn't paid, and I did not say that it was yours. I will leave the cash up here in the mail holder and you can pick it up when you are ready."
She replied: "The check may not be your fault but you could have at least checked your mail earlier."
And then I turned into Dr. Jekyll and I lost it. I said a bunch of things I shouldn't have and followed up with a Xanax.
"I'm sorry, but we checked the mail as soon as we noticed it was here. If you were so concerned about it, why weren't you watching for it? Your check is your responsibility, not mine.
I am tired of you taking out your bad moods on me. It is not fair. I have done nothing but try to help you, despite the fact that we are struggling to get by. Why do you think we have been living out of our pantry? Why do you think I ride the bus to work? Yet you get to go on drives to Summerset and drink your beer and feed your dog chicken and noodles every night. I can't afford to do that with Layla.
Don't worry about paying me back- just concentrate on getting what you need done so you can find your own place and you and I can get space from this defective relationship. If you need help moving your stuff, let me know. I am done feeling like this.
Also, I don't want beer in this house anymore."
To which she replied: "Don't worry, I will be out of your life soon.. relationship severed. You have a new family now anyway. Also, I wouldn't be in this mess if I didn't provide for you in Florida. And I'm still driving and old vehicle because of it."
(Regarding Florida, she is referring to college- which she didn't pay a cent for. I worked so I could afford my apartment and my meal plan was included on my college loans. And she was borrowing money from me then, as well- while telling me I should drop out of college because no man wants a woman with debt [i.e. gold digger].)
I feel AWFUL. Guilty, like a jerk. And also.. sort of relieved. I'm sad to say it felt really good to get those things off my chest and give her a taste of what she does to me / everyone else. But then I feel like instead of being a bigger person, I did just what she does so that makes me like her... which makes me feel worse.
The truth is, I just want her gone. I have no disillusions that she will ever pay back any of the $ she owes me, and frankly, I think having her at the wedding would hurt more than not. She has made life hell since I was a kid and now she's affecting my life/relationship with my fiance. He is so stressed out by this whole thing he's been staying in the bedroom all morning.
I know I shouldn't have done it, but I'd appreciate any words of wisdom anyone has to offer.