Hi, jkej, and welcome to SR. Glad you found your way here, altho it's too bad you have a need to look for a site like this one. I've found a lot of learning and support here, am hoping you find the same.
You have made a GREAT start by getting to Alanon! And please, don't be "disgusted w/yourself" for having acted as an enabler. How could you be expected to just KNOW how to deal w/the disease of alcoholism? We act that way b/c that's how we'd treat a "normal" person who seemed to be struggling and seemed to be making mistakes. It doesn't dawn on us until later, when we start to see the pattern repeat again and again, and get worse and worse, that there's something else going on here. You've made a huge step forward in realizing that there IS a problem and in seeking help for yourself.
You say you feel you "have to help him", but as I'm sure you've heard in Alanon, the 3 C's come into play here: You didn't Cause his alcoholism, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. So think about exactly how you would "help him." You can't get him sober; he has to want that and do that himself. If you continue to pay bills, keep the household running, etc., you are only making it easier for him to continue drinking w/o suffering any consequences (you already know this from Alanon, right?). So "helping him" would mean what?
You need to put the focus on YOU and what YOU want from life. It surely doesn't sound like babysitting an A is filling the bill....Keep on going to Alanon, keep reading and posting here, and gradually your path will become clearer to you. Again, cut yourself some slack for your actions in the past. You didn't know what to do--how could you? But you're beginning to learn now, so just keep moving ahead at the pace that's right for you. Or pause to take a look around and figure out what that next step might be (this was a big one for me, as I always want to charge ahead and fix the problem immediately, if not sooner!).
Take care of yourself--wishing you strength and clarity, and some moments of peace mixed in there too!