Thank you everyone. Lady in BC, I cried when I read what you wrote: I am not hopeless, I have a disease. I couldn't understand how I could fight so hard and be defeated, literally over a hundred times. I have other issues in addition to alcoholism - bipolar and fibromyalgia. While I realize this is not the place to discuss those, I just wanted to say that I was in denial about both until I went ahead with treatment and started getting better. This alcoholism must be the same. If I've made progress with my other issues, maybe I can do this, too. Thank you.