Glad you found us. You're really among people who are walking the same walk and as you suggested, talking the same talk!
Similar situation, wife is the alcoholic/addict, and we have 4 kids together.
I can't say where I am with my situation, but I know I'm feeling, perhaps knowing, it's over. With the kids, its something I can't get my head around other than I have to protect them. It's going to be hard for me as my parents are with The Lord, so its something I'm still trying to figure out.
It is all my wife's(and yours as well) decision to do something about it, and its up to us to make our own way, regardless of what they decide to do.
I wish I could give you and everyone else here the holy grail on how to handle this, so I'll just pray.
In His name, Spinner.