Stella. Welcome and congratulations on taking the first step. Sounds like addiction to me and you are coming out of denial years, even decades, ahead of many people.
Spend some time (as many minutes or hours you can squeeze into a day) on this forum reading everyone's stories. Replace today's-drug-of-choice with the word alcohol and you'll probably recognize yourself all over the place. Knowing how many of us are out there struggling and succeeding will help you make the next step.
