I wanted to share something my psychiatrist said to me this week in the hopes it will help others.
She said my father used alcohol all his life so that he wouldn't have to feel. She said he was a coward in that sense, and that those of us who don't use substances to mask our feelings were brave.
It really helped me because I grew up thinking I was weak and cowardly because I had feelings and fears and my father didn't seem to have any emotion besides rage that I could see. I concluded there was something wrong with me for not being like him and felt badly about myself.
Now I realize he wasn't superhuman, he was just numb from the substance abuse. And that it's more brave to feel the feelings, than it is to drink to make the feelings go away.