Hi and welcome.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in your post. My story may be less dramatic, but i suffered from depression for a long time and treated it with alcohol, a depressant. Surprisingly, it didn't work.
I have been struggling with sobriety for about a year, and am currently about 6 weeks sober. I have never felt better, but the scary part is I still think about drinking. But I didn't today and am so glad about that.
I have found a lot of wisdom on this forum.