hi everyone
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i really have no idea where to start here... but i guess its about my addiction. I have vices, like everyone, caffine, nicotine, the usual Legal Drugs. I have smoked drugs and ingested them in my day, but i don;t anymore, because of a woman.
My addiction is to chat. I'll give you a little history. About four years ago I had a great job great life, great social circle of freinds (very supportive) then i got a computer. It was fun, interesting, i was amazed at all the thingsi could do with it. I used to publish a newletter for the company i worked for, layout, design everything! very creative. Ok, so my job. I worked in sales, commision based, My first year i made 52 grand, great year for a first timer, i was loved by my boss because in the line of work you do your income can only go up (no, not Amway :P ) I did some stand up on the side, things were looking great , looking up if you will. THEN i got my computer, second year on the job i made 34 grand ( i am not mentioning the numbers for the sake of "get a load of me!" i am just tryin to set a pattern) I lost the Newsletter job because i'd always be late with it, not like ten minutes, DAYS late, make up excuse ie. computer Virus, brough in the wrong disk... blah blah blah. 3rd year, 22 G's.... Chattin was a big problem for me. I'd sneak away from social fuinctions because i wanted to get home to talk to my online "friends" I eventually lost my job because i was up all night, coming in late for work, no focus, I just started NOT listening to people because my focus just wasn;t there.... Then something came along, i met a woman online (same old story) but she changed my habits online... i fell in love with her, was here in the morning before work, She'd make sure i left the house on time, then we;d meet online after 11 and talk for an hour before bed, she got me into a pattern, Work was going well, i was making money...snapped me out of the addiction. or so i thought... I never got bored with her, but there were times when i'd just go back into chat. Anyway... It been a year we have been talking, but i usedd to hide my chatting from her, I found out she was too. I was devistated. Anyway, thats personal. The point is, i thought that i had kicked it, the chat thing.... but here i am.. i started going back into chat in about september... I very quickly fell into the same pattern, this time it cost me my job. I have been unemployed now for a month, She's leaving me ( i think) and i just don't have the motivation... I took the step of deleting the chat program, but i do go through withdrawls, its been almost a week since i went back into it. As sad as it sounds, It seems like there is a big part of my life thats missing. First off, she's missing and secondly, the online is missing... i am trying my best to stay away from it, thats why i searched for addiction web sites. I know i need help, it something i can't do alone, i've lost pretty much four years of my life to it. I'd give it all up to have her, but my fear is.... and its pretty legitimate, if i give up online (addiction) i give up her (love) see my dilema ?...can anyone suggest anything ? its tough, i feel weak... anyone ... anything ?????