New, scared but out of denial!
Hello all,
I've finally admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic - a functioning one but one the same.
I have been getting progressively worse since last summer. Booze has always been a big part of my/our lives. Before the birth of my son over four years ago we'd be out most weekends and drink moderately in the week.
I stopped drinking when pregnant but just before going back to work I started secret drinking. I hide bottles in my wardrobe and drink *normally* with my H but top up on the sly.
This continued for 18 months until I was pregnant again and again stopped drinking. After his birth I found myself really craving a drink and soon started secret drinking again but it really stepped up last September when I started working part time. I'd drink at lunchtimes on my days off and would have the odd swig at weekends in the morning to help. I'd get through 2 bottles of Vodka and 3 bottles of Port a week on top of a couple of glasses in the evenings.
My husband guessed before long but instead of taking the support he offered I became defensive and denied it.
I cut down on the secret drinking in June - I just hated the taste of it.
So the shock that stopped me was on Tuesday morning. I went for a run - no big deal I run 3-4 times a week. I got home and I collapsed in a heap - shakes, heart racing, electric zaps through my body, sweats, chills; the lot.
I was convinced I was dying and nearly rang for an ambulance. The night before I had 3/4 bottle of wine.
I have had lessening symptoms since and feel fine apart from a pain under my right rib. I'm convoked I've got liver cancer/cirrhosis/Liver disease and I will die and leave my babies without a mum.
I haven't stopped crying since.
Coupled with house buying and job stress I'm at wits end. I have felt this niggly pain on and off for the past 6 months but the doctor who examined me felt nothing and I felt no pain during the examination.
My husband reckons it's stress.
I think it's sinister.
I'm on the 3 week waiting list for an appointment with the Alcohol and Drug advice centre where I am convinced they will unearth something after the initial tests.
I'm clinging to the hope that my liver function was normal 2 years ago.
Sorry what a ramble. It's taken a lot to get this far and I feel amazing that I have not drunk in nearly three days! An achievement for me!
Any positive stories welcome.
X