Courage and support.
ALOT of support.
Initially I wanted to do it all on my own. I remember googling ways to "addict proof" my home and coming up with ultimatums and rules for her impending return which was how I eventually stumbled upon this forum. Imagine the relief I felt when I read through every sticky and found that I simply did not have to do these things.
The first thing I was told here was that some day soon I would have to evaluate my life and determine if this was how I wanted to live. I took this suggestion very seriously and began looking towards myself for answers. For the past year I've been reading here on a daily basis.
Nar Anon got me further. Joining the rooms felt a bit odd at first. Everyone there was 20-30 years my senior (I'm still in my 20's) and it was kind of intimidating. Despite this I opened up. Cried in the beginning. Now I join each meeting, cheerful but still serious about the matters being discussed and most times leave feeling very upbeat, joking and laughing with these men and women I now consider dear friends.
My family has always been there. When things got heavy they would step between her and I. They saw the sickness going on and now I realize they were mostly fed up with it. This past year, after a lot of introspection I've come to realize that my parents provided my brothers and me with an awesome childhood and came to an almost sickening realization that I wasn't doing this for my own children. This is the one thing that has really driven me to change.
I stopped making excuses for other people's unacceptable behavior and detached. I started living in reality again. I snapped out of denial and became truthful to others but most importantly to myself.
It feels great.