Hi
Croissant
Thanks for your post. I identified with it, especially this part:
There were times a week or so back, that I had 'crazy thoughts' briefly, that if I was sober for a month, then the odd event here or there wouldn't hurt ...to drink in company. Then I remind myself, that that is how it started, gradually and that making imaginary deals about 'lines' to draw and I would be ok, are the very reason I can never, ever drink again. Any time I start making imaginary deals, I see crazy town returning...have to stop it!
I've tried that quite a few times over the last 6 years or so, always ended up back where I began, and depression worsened over time.
Good luck with your week-end event.
Ladybug,
Hang in there! Sounds like you're struggling a bit, but you're strong, you can kick that AV to the curb!
I'm not having a good day, don't really know why, just a pervasive feeling of unease, lonely, went to a yoga class this am, but the teacher wasn't very good, but I rode my bike there, so I got some exercise, pushed myself.
I'm coming to understand in my decrepitude, that just because I'm not drinking, life isn't going to be a bed of roses all the time, sometimes I'm going to feel "off", and I have to just ride it out.
I'm going to just go for a drive now, pick up a plant stand that I bought on a community buy/sell site, it's a nice drive in the country, so that will be pleasant on this sunny afternoon.