Welcome back Katt.
I'm like you, if I have pills around, I WILL take them, tapering down was never, ever an option for me. And going into a rehab facility wasn't a realistic option for me either. I'm a wife, a mom to three have a full time job. I started taking Suboxone in early June, even though at first even that option was unappealing to me. Having to go to a clinic daily with all these other drug addicts was awful, and a wake up call. I felt like I didn't fit in with these people, I didn't LOOK like them and I thought I was better than them . Which of course I wasn't , at all. I was the same. I was a drug addict too. Anyway, for me, the only thing that effectively stopped any and all drug cravings was the Suboxone. Today is day 72 , and I feel like I am finally getting my life back. I only have to go to the clinic once a week now, and I also see a therapist regularly. I know Suboxone isn't the answer for everyone , but for me it has been a Godsend. I hope that you keep fighting for your sobriety, because from your posts it sounds to me like you really, truly WANT it. Don't be so hard on yourself, trying to kick addiction is the hardest thing many of us will ever have to do. Keep coming here, keep talking about it and keep trying . Nobody can ever be mad at you for lack of effort,it is obvious to me that you really want this!
Audrey