Welcome and this is a good place to explore by reading these threads to get an idea of what’s happening and get the feeling your not alone and others understand because of being there ourselves. I had difficulty getting honest with myself about my drinking because I did a lot of comparing and I was scared to “abandon” a friend that “comforted” me for so long. Finally when the pain got bad enough I needed to surrender to the fact I could not drink in safety and the sober journey progressed with work.