Is it me or is our thread a little slow this weekend? I hope everyone is staying sober and keeping busy
Waking up early, rested and sober, only motivates me to go for another day. I know it's addiction but it still baffles me to no end that I would ever choose to drink again when I see how much better I am without alcohol. Sure that initial release, that first drink or two, is wonderful but not worth that temporary sensation for such long term pain. It's so clear to me right now, but around 4pm everyday, it's like someone or something (AV) takes my brain hostage and I begin to think completely differently, convincing myself that it's just FINE to drink, no big deal. UGH, does it every go away? I want it to, because it scares the life out of me.
I have a friend (ex-BF actually), who is also and alcoholic but it has caused him problems that I was lucky enough to be able to avoid (DUIs, being fired, loss of family and friend relationships, his dignity, etc..). We pretty much broke up because of his maniacal behavior while drinking that I could not have in my life anymore. It was also seeing his alcoholism that caused me to look at my own drinking and got me to really start trying to quit. He has been to rehab, AA, and been down those dark places that I have only heard about that addiction can take you (stealing, etc..). Anyway, he is clearly drinking again (he is 1,000 miles away, thankfully but just by crazy texts I can tell he's drunk) but speaks of it so casually- "just having a few beers", "just going out with some friends". It is so frustrating to me because I know where this will lead, but I feel like I sound so righteous and judgemental when I call him out on it. As sad and as scared as it makes me for him, it also keeps me motivated to stay sober so that I never, ever end up like him. I feel guilty for feeling like that, but it's true. I wish he would just see the light.
Anyway, sorry for my long post, just some random thoughts on a Sunday morning. Have a great day everyone