EP, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Drinking will not help anything except to amplify the shame and remorse you are felling right now. If you don't mind me asking,are you gay or is this just something that comes to light when u r drinking? It sounds like you are putting yourself in a very dangerous situation,please be careful. You might wake up to find someone liking you and you not being able to return the feelings which could cause trouble for you. Hey I'm gay and I remember getting smashed and waking up next to someone I wasn't quite fond of and thinking omg what did I do,as well as I'm not a mean person and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone that way. At best just know that you don't ever have to feel like this again and it'll all pass,if you need to talk we are all just a click away,again,be careful and don't drink..best to you...