Endless, glad you are at work and no booze is available but remember that is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. I think you are struggling with more than just a drinking problem. Are you sure about your sexuality and marrying a woman? I don't mean to be harsh I am just wondering. I am sure when drinking there are plenty of opportunities to have a one night stand with a woman. I wonder why you chose the gay encounter unless that is who you truly are and, if that is the case, you need to work on accepting that fact. I can hear the pain in your post and am sorry you are going through this.