Hi,sorry you are feeling like this. Please don't drink though,it will just make you feel worse in the long term.
Are you looking to quit drinking? Maybe if you do that will give you the time and space to work out what you really want from life and relationships. I know I've done some things drunk which I've regretted but also drinking often made me be more honest with myself too. My getting sober you are able to re-learn about how to be honest with yourself and what you want from life
Maybe now's not the time to rush into anything,marriage etc, give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself