As someone coming from both sides of the addiction fence, I can only say this.
I became an A because it was my "way" of dealing with XABF#1. Yes, I say one, as I had three!
I wasn't raised this way, have no idea why I became a codie, but I did.
As an RA? Preaching, begging, etc. will do no good. We are stuck in our addiction and will defend it relentlessly, until (IF) we hit bottom.
I currently live with my dad (the classic enabler) and my stepmom (sm) who is an addict. I've learned, the hard way, that they don't hear what I say. It does NO good to confront sm when she is slurring her speech and insists she hasn't taken anything.
It does NO good to confront my dad when he, one minute wants to throw away her pills, ten minutes later says "but she IS in pain".
I detach. I share what I've learned, when the time comes up, but otherwise? I stay out of it. I can't fix either of them. I can only work towards MY goals (which is to get the hello out of this house!!)
Confronting has done no good. Arguing has done no good. They have to walk their own paths, and I need to walk mine. It isn't always easy (as in seeing sm passed out yesterday) but it's NOT MY PROBLEM (NMP).
I work on me, I share what I can when the times come up, but that's all I can do. MY serenity and sanity is now my priority, but I admit....it took quite a while of reading posts on this forum to get there.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy