Originally Posted by
Sugah 
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at 19, when I was in a dual-diagnosis unit and undergoing my first "treatment" for alcoholism. I didn't stay sober, and my current period of sobriety didn't begin until fifteen years later, in 2002. In the first few years of my sobriety, I would have told you that I received grace not only in my obsession with alcohol and drugs, but also in my mental health issues. Now, with a little more than a decade to look back on, I can see my recovery from BPD was more of a process than a sudden awakening.
While I didn't dig my heels in and refuse any step, I did drag out my fourth step, and my first 8th step wasn't as thorough or enthusiastic as it could have been. I didn't quite get that amends are more than "I'm sorry." In some, I asked, "How can I make this right?" but in others, I felt more like a hit-and-run apologist. I was still having difficulty separating the harm I had done to others from the harm I believed they had done to me. Thankfully, with the more serious harms I did to others, I was given another chance, most dramatically with my parents, whom I cared for at the end of their lives.
We "practice these principles," and that means we're not done with them. We get second and third and fourth, etc. chances, and so long as we don't pick up a drink as we practice, the benefits of this practice manifests in our lives over time. I had a few years under my belt before I completely disconnected from the victim identity. I recall moments when I recognized that my responses to situations and people were different -- they weren't BPD reactions anymore, but reasoned and measured responses. I work in the mental health field, and when I tell people my diagnosis, assure them I was "textbook," they find it hard to believe.
I understand your concern for your wife. If she remains willing to go to any length, wonderful things will come to pass. We with "grave emotional and mental disorders" can recover, too. All we really need is the capacity to be honest, and that must be present to get through the 4th & 5th steps.
Peace & Love,
Sugah