Originally Posted by
Argnotthisagain 
Someone here recently said that we start needing to use denial early on in rships with A's in order to focus on the good stuff and blot out the bad. It really rang true for me. So your fantasy got stirred up and it IS very hard coming back to reality.
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I needed to hear this today, Arg. Thanks. I have been struggling with accepting reality for almost nine months.
I also love the Mindfulness suggestions. I think I'm going to try it again in addition to yoga. Between those, SR, Al Anon, and exercise, I will be spending eight hours a day on mental health. It has literally become a full time job!!
I never thought of the chatter in my mind about exabf as the same thing as the rest of the chatter. I thought because it was about a person and not a stressful situation, it was different somehow. But it is exactly the same. I give way too much importance to my chronic rememberance of him, almost as if the fact I can't get him out of my mind made our love more real. What a load of crap! It is just another case of my anxious, racing, mind driving me insane.
Realizing this today was a huge break through for me. Thanks, everyone.
Zen, I also want to add that even though SR can become addictive and take up a lot of time (like we discussed before), I find it a very important recovery tool. I am not always in the mood to post, but I read it everyday because it keeps me in touch with the reality of my situation. It reminds me of the dead seriousness of alcoholism--and also of codependency. Reading people's stories helps to keep me from drifting back to LaLa Land, and keeps the fantasies about my relationship with exabf relatively in check. With SR, I've got at least one foot grounded in reality. I'm working on two.