Hey Hammer;
I hear you; I get it. For me this is not being critical of AA members or meetings or the differences between cultures. But the truth is, it's extremely different.
To not acknowledge that people who visit the halls of Al-Anon and the halls of AA are different than PTA or Church groups is to minimize the illness and troubles we have and how we are all concentrated in those rooms. In Al-Anon like Hammer says, we are much more serious and yes, beaten down. In my Al-Anon meetings rarely do people care about coffee/tea/cookies. I am sure there is 13th stepping going on in Al-Anon...i just have not seen it. I swear, people there are just beaten down. In AA meetings it's quite different. There is this "energy", a certain cockiness, and lots of smoking, cookies, tons of Starbucks, and certainly much more male/female energy. There are also people who clearly have done the work; they really show. They are the calmer ones, usually not in the smoking circle; they are focused and steady. I have the feeling they have put their heart and soul in the work and truly walk the talk. The more work Al-Anon and AA members put into their recovery, the more similar they become to each other. Newcomers to AA and Al-Anon look/act very different.
Anyway, these are my personal observations.
Carrie