nbay2013

I am on day 16 of No Contact. My ex-AB has been in recovery (AA) for over a year and we were discussing reconciliation, resumed our physical relationship after a year and then he went AWOL. He resurfaced days later via email, saying that he is all confused, and well..just doesn't feel that way about me anymore. I wrote about this in much more detail in this forum, so I will cut to the chase.

I thought I could handle no contact, but it was driving me crazy that I didn't get to respond to his final email; the one that says, "He takes full responsibility" and "it's not me". Well, I already knew it wasn't me and he didn't take responsibility by doing a "F**K and Run" move. It was just brutal...one day it was intimacy and laughter and plans...then gone. So I called him today (yes, I hear the collective groan in these rooms). I basically just wanted to say, that I didn't have a problem with his deciding against reconciliation, it was the having sex, making promises and disappearing part and THEN deciding it wasn't for him. All in a few days. I had to say my piece with him listening, hearing my voice.

Could he hear or feel or understand me? Most likely he just heard "Blah blah blah" from me. He told me he loves me and is sorry for "breaking me". I told him, I am not broken and that is not how people who loves someone behaves. I just wanted him hear my voice say these words, not via email, that it was a brutal way to treat me or anyone. And I, right now, cannot forgive that.

So, I feel like I am on day 1 again. This is a set back emotionally, but it allowed me to grieve some more and to finally block him on Facebook so I can stop this maudlin mooning over his picture.

Is it normal to have these emotional setbacks? I hope I am not back at day 1, because the last 15 days have been difficult and were getting better.

Love/Hugs

Carrie