Originally Posted by
Ripper 
jkb- What are the right tools? He's not a "spiritual" person and for him AA equals religion. Going to therapy (couples counselling) was his first experience with "psychology"-for this scientific guy, AA, therapy, Counselling, is all "hokus pokus"....
Oh Ripper, I am with you. My beloved (very smart/scientific/artistic/genius) ABF has and will make every excuse to stay out of the meetings; spiritual (AA), secular (HMO recovery, SMART, LifeRing), whatever. He can't stand being around other drinkers - it feels like a shameful, awful mirror to him, I guess, rather than a fellowship of similarly afflicted individuals offering support and guidance. (read: room full of drunks.)
Another problem: he drinks in isolation, being basically a pretty solitary person anyway. So the rooms full of people are overwhelming, regardless, and not something he seeks out.
So he has tried (and tried and tried) his own program, which includes daily exercise, mindfulness/meditation, making stuff (he's an artist), journaling - and it all works - until it stops working again. And it's progressing. And I'm terrified for him.
Today, I am thinking of going no-contact (he has just been through another awful binge). Not as punishment, or as a manipulation, or in hopes of it pushing him into treatment, or whatever. Just to save MY life, MY sanity, and MY peace of mind.
Anyway, I wish you both well. Reading, and posting here has been very helpful to me - I hope you keep coming back.