Originally Posted by Emkay

My husband drinks every day, and has done so for the past 11 years. While I was sober for a few years I would sometimes feel sick from his breath in bed at night and got fed up if our conversations didn't go well towards the end of the night. When I first quit, I didn't tell him until I felt more confident. I was worried that he would try to sabotage my attempt-and he did. He called and asked my if I wanted anything from the liquor store on the way home from work and offered to grab a beer for me out of the fridge. It was his AV, and I had to answer both his and mine.
We eventually worked it all out (without talking about feelings!) and found things to do together. I was always the sober driver, and we still went out to do the same things that we had always done.
Ultimately, that's what ended my sobriety. It wasn't him, because we had long ago worked out our relationship, but my overconfidence and forgetting how I suffered with alcohol that made me have that first drink in over four years, thinking I could stop at one.
Because we both have alcohol problems, our lives became very different quite soon after I become sober. I started branching out and finding things to do with my time while he stayed at home and drank. I think that if he didn't have a drinking problem, we would have been able to explore life together and we would have become closer as I became more healthy.

This time around is no different. I'm only on day two, and I know that I'll have to answer his AV as well as my own. So I'm waiting a few days before I tell him that he can go ahead and finish the beer in the fridge. I need a few more days behind me before I hear the old "you deserve to have just one drink, you know".

It would be great if he stopped, too, but I know that I can only make decisions for myself, one day at a time. If I don't make it sober, and make sober look good, his chances don't look so hot either.