Liz,
I don't think complaining about your AH is a character defect. I feel it is more like you know something is wrong, but since you are always being told that you are wrong, that you are seeking out validation, to make sure that what you are seeing and hearing is your truth and your reality. You are not alone in all of this. I think at one time or another we all needed a "reality check", speaking for myself, I would say I needed thousands of these.
I would also get sad and depressed, and would go about and be happy the next day. I had to really sit down and think about "sad and depressed". I realized I was sad and depressed because I didn't like the way that I was being treated. I was being abused and disrespected. Then I had to look further into that. Realized I was feeling resentful. Now resentful is a feeling, but needed to look further into that. It was because I was angry.
Anger is a powerful emotion. I had a really good book about anger, but I gave it away. Anger can be used in destructive ways, either towards yourself or someone else, or anger can be used in a positive way. It can be used to help you take action in providing for your own well-being. I was afraid to get angry, because I always thought that was a bad thing. It's not a bad thing.