Allyn56 thank you for sharing your story. I have been through similar. My daughter sending me horrible texts like that, then calling sober and asking for help. Her girlfriend was telling me how my daughter says how much me and my family judge her and how we basically mistreat her and so on and so forth... her girlfriend told me she has seen the way we treat her and know we do not and that we love her.
I know that is the alcoholic talking. We wont support her habit or put up with her behavior, so we are the bad people in her life who cause her to drink.
I did mention in my note above that I have also hoped for my daughter to go to jail or something like that. I can not afford an inpatient rehab facility and she likely wouldnt commit to it anyway.
I do think you are handling things correctly. I am trying as well, but it is so hard. I just hate that split second when i go through a panic when my phone rings and I think... this is it. sigh.