I think I understand Liz, about the groping. It is manipulative and a lack of respect. It's intimidating. I hesitate to call it abuse, simply because there is serious abuse, and there are milder forms, and this is milder, and I can see how you would have trouble wrapping your head around comparing it to what happened to you years ago.
I think maybe you feel some guilt too, am I right? You're in a marriage, and you are refusing his advances for over a year. It is understood, generally in society, that marriage does include sex.
So he is expressing his anger by this groping. I don't think he ever thought it was going to work. I think he was intimidating because that's how he chose to express his frustration and anger.
The thing with that subtle type of intimidation, is that you can repress how you feel while it is happening because you are more focused on how to avoid him.
I think it would help you to consider how it made you feel, and then decide that that is not ok.
You have to be a stand-up woman for yourself with a guy like yours. He knows how easily you are intimidated, and he's calculated just how far he can push you without pushing you too far, that you actually react with "enough!" and truly stand up for yourself. There's a whole lot of mind games going on here as he tests how good you are at standing up for yourself.
This laying in bed for a couple days, I am wondering how much he was really down, and whether there was also a childish attempt to see if you would get concerned for him. Will this bring out her nurturing side? Will she get concerned?
It's a test of Does she love me?
Meanwhile, he's not showing much love in return.
He pegged you a long time ago as the harmless nurturing type that he could turn into a deer in headlights with a few simple plays.
Think about how it all makes you FEEL. Stop ignoring your own feelings. How you feel is what is important here. Give yourself the right to feel mostly good things about yourself. You haven't given your feelings priority.
It's a dog eat dog world, and you will get there--telling yourself I don't have to feel this way, I can insist that I feel good, and that nobody has the right to make me feel bad about myself.