There was one part of the first book I read that made me really think. The father had been through so much with his son for a long time, and he said there were times when he had wished for thoughts of his son, and the memory of his to be cut out from his brain. And then later on, he suffered an aneurism and while he couldn’t even communicate he was still thinking about his son. Where was his son, how is his son ,how will this news affect his son. And he realized even though worrying about his son and the addiction were painful, he knew he didn’t ever want to lose the thoughts of his son. I know that is a parent child relationship , but it hurt so bad when my husband was missing and I had no idea what was going on, if he was ok. And I know it does no good to worry, it doesn’t fix anything, and we all tried to be proactive and keep busy but you still couldn’t get rid of all the pain and worry. So now I think I realize people have to keep functioning, and I think it’s a matter of how well you compartmentalize your emotions. Anyway that part of the book really stuck with me, and at night when I feel lonely because he is not here, and I worry about what may happen, I realize that is ok. I still feel like I am happy he is locked in my mind and create feelings, because we are still together. Probably may not make sense to everyone but it helps me right now.
Im also trying to keep busy KariSue. I went to Whole Foods and bought up some of my favorites, and fresh veggies. I had not been eating too good when he was in the hospital. I had a lot of caffeine and a lot of those coffee and fruit smoothies but they have a lot of calories, especially when you say yes to the whipped cream when they ask. At the time it was like comfort food I think. Back on the lettuce. Still no word on a possible rehab for your son, or when he might get in?
I heard the book was graphic, and I read some of the articles by Nic Sheff on the website the Fix I think its called. Thanks for the tip Lizwig. I have been wondering why Im drawn to hearing the horribleness of what can go on. I think and Im afraid to even admit it, he may have cheated on me. We did not discuss it, but the place where his friends found him, they said it was a friend of a friend of a friends, and there were women there using drugs too. Im not ready to face any of that yet, and I dont know for sure, but I want to prepare myself for his admitting this to me at some point during his rehab as he deals with it all himself. Maybe that is why I want to torture myself beforehand. I think it might be a good idea for me to look into some kind of counseling because if that happened, then Im going to need help to deal with it. Im not there yet.