I think I used him as a form of escape, how crazy is that thought...alcoholic boyfriend as stress relief! But then in time he becomes the greater stress. I've been doing the insanity thing for 5 years always expecting different results, it is definitely sickness on my part too. Thought I was a mart woman too, independent, good career 2 lovely children them wham! Trying hard tonite to keep acceptance and letting go in my mind and praying too. I manage to get to sleep but wake early and the mess are giving me weird dreams just when I'm about to fall over...bizarre