Really struggling want contact

Old 07-27-2013, 01:54 PM
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Really struggling want contact

Tonight is so difficult for me and I fear I'm letting myself down. There have been a few texts back and forth and my XABF called me on Wed but I didn't answer. But tonight I called him thank god he didn't answer. I know this is so wrong and I need to stay away from him. I wish I was stronger. He's like a drug to me and this is me withdrawing. I know I need to face these feelings it's the only way through. I'm going to start reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing tonight hope it helps comfort me. I don't know what I'd be like without this forum. I'm praying for strength because I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth tonight.
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Old 07-27-2013, 02:17 PM
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Hang on brightstar!
You can do it. No contact.

The book is very good, and I think you will get a lot out of it.
I have the book too.

I am watching this ridiculous show on TV called Mountain Monsters.
Jeezus please us, it is funny!
Every sound, means a "devil dog" is in the vicinity.
If there is no sound, means a "devil dog" is hunting in dem woods!
there are a bunch of seriously overweight men, running around in the
woods, building traps for "devil dogs"

How do we know they exist?
Why the look in the guy's eyes that told the story!
You kin tell he were skeeered!
He has seen evil!



this is what gets my mind off my self pity.
(i am not saying you are doing this, this is what I do, get stuck in the cycle of crazy
thinking, like I can save my grown son from his addiction.)

That is just as likely as these guys finding devil dogs in the woods of West Virginia.

I do not think you are letting yourself down at all,
you came here and posted.
You have plans to help with your healing.
You are aware of your problem, and that is the true beginning of healing.
You are on your way brightstar!

Are there any myths in Glasgow?
Bigfoot?
Mothman?
Wait, you aren't in Glasgow kentucky are you?
I am SURE there are giant somethings hiding in the woods!
LOL

You are doing great.

Beth
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Old 07-27-2013, 02:28 PM
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Hi Beth I'm trying to stay strong. Reading the book and distracting me somewhat. I know I need to push on.....if I keep going back to him I'm going to end us in a worse state than I'm already in. I never knew that such a thing as love addiction existed before I got burned. Wouldn't wish this on anyone. My brain feels so fuzzy tonight this has been the worst night so far. I just need to keep posting just now. Ps only monster I know is the one in Loch Ness well apart from the one that's probably in the pub lol
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Old 07-27-2013, 02:51 PM
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Ps only monster I know is the one in Loch Ness well apart from the one that's probably in the pub lol
Yes! I love the story of the Loch Ness monster, I watch the shows to hear the accents.
(hehehe my own little thing for all things Scottish).

I got burned one time too. Looking back, all the good stuff going on, was going on
in my mind!
Truly, my imagination had conjured up this great guy, who was smart and funny,
thought I was smart funny and good looking!
But, he would disappear, for days, then weeks on end.
Finally tells me he is married but separated. (yeah, I had stupid written on my forehead).
Then, all the tales of woe about his soon to be ex wife.
I was all in. I mean, I had made this great thing out of a guy who was rude, thoughtless and obviously now, a liar.
Still, I continued. It finally ended when he stopped calling, after saying,
"I will call you tomorrow."
No phone call yet, over a year ago.
Yes, I was fuzzy too. I had so convinced myself of this fantasy that it knocked me
back good when he dumped me for the last time.
I spent a long time thinking "what happened? why couldnt he even call and say,
sorry its over?"
then, the pain was sending me back into the abyss of my depressive disorder.
I had to stop that.

so, I came here nearly daily, read other's posts, read that book.
And the realization it is about me and my fear of abandonment that kept me tied in,
well, that was a freeing moment.
That is something I can do, work on myself, and when I am ready, find someone
who is ready to handle all this. LOL

I do understand wanting a little bit of attention from HIM.
But, it will set you back.
This is about you. You want to get better.
You can do this.

Beth

PS
Please stay away from pub monsters! LOL
Glasgow must have plenty of ghosts too.
Lots of silly programs (about ghosts) on the same level as Mountain Monsters.
I so want to visit Glasgow one day. It is on my list of things to do.
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Old 07-27-2013, 03:18 PM
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I too spend way too much time waiting for us to have a conversation to resolve all this, it's crazy because there is no solution as he is alcoholic. And I know if I see him it will just cause more pain so why why why am I doing this to myself? It's that abandonment feeling. Makes you feel totally lost. The book is great but I'm having trouble reading it for long ...started antidepressants 2 days ago and getting some side effects one of these is an annoying headache making it difficult to focus for long. God what a state to get yourself in over a man! Beth thank you for your kind words and humour. Hope you manage to visit Glasgow one day. I'm staying well away from pub monsters they're poisonous to me lol
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Old 07-27-2013, 03:38 PM
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brightstar,

I am sorry about the side effects, I do hope you can find some relief from your
depression though. I had some minor side effects from my antidepressants, but,
the relief from my depression was so great, they disappeared into the background.

It will ease your transition out of the sick thinking (the anti-depressants). Being out of the mindset that
nothing will ever get better, and I do not deserve it, made room for great strides
for me to recover.

When I am in the hole, I cannot think straight, and I think I used that man
as an excuse to NOT work on myself. (hmm, this is a new idea that just popped up,
I think I just had an AHA!)

God what a state to get yourself in over a man!
I know it! I am a smart woman, thought I was doing pretty well, and BANG!
threw myself into an affair that could never work out, all the time having these
Cinderella fantasies! When I think about my mindset then, I see how ill I was.
Completely side tracked myself in order to get some male attention.
wow.

But, I am so glad I am talking to you about it!
If your head hurts, do not try to read anymore.
Maybe just write about what you have read so far.
It was tough for me to get through the book.
It was very revealing and thought provoking.


We can get through this brightstar.
I am going to get that book out again.
It must be getting near to one am there?
Are you not sleeping well?

Beth
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Old 07-27-2013, 03:46 PM
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I think I used him as a form of escape, how crazy is that thought...alcoholic boyfriend as stress relief! But then in time he becomes the greater stress. I've been doing the insanity thing for 5 years always expecting different results, it is definitely sickness on my part too. Thought I was a mart woman too, independent, good career 2 lovely children them wham! Trying hard tonite to keep acceptance and letting go in my mind and praying too. I manage to get to sleep but wake early and the mess are giving me weird dreams just when I'm about to fall over...bizarre
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Old 07-27-2013, 06:46 PM
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I manage to get to sleep but wake early and the mess are giving me weird dreams just when I'm about to fall over...bizarre
Oh! I used to have the crazy dreams too. They stopped fairly quickly for me.
I hope yours quit soon.

Letting go is a big concept, and you can take it a little at a time.

I think I used him as a form of escape, how crazy is that thought...alcoholic boyfriend as stress relief!
Exactly, as a way to escape (for me) my "boring" although safe and quiet life.
Instead of looking for an available man, I found one who was clearly unavailable,
and not truthful about that.
It was an escape. But we must find safer, saner ways to escape.
What are we trying to escape?

I want to learn my lessons here, because I do not want to be alone,
but also, do not want another "escape" from real life, using a damaged man to do so.

Thought I was a smart woman too, independent, good career 2 lovely children them wham!
You are still a smart woman, independent, with 2 lovely children and good career.
Even though the man did not work out (and you are right an alcoholic will never
work out) I was still there. I still have some brains left, adult children, a grandchild!
We can work with what we got right now.

You are doing your best in this moment. It is tough to get used to anti d's.
If you hang in there, I can tell you, when it happened for me, it was like the sun came
out for the first time in my life.
Do not need anything from the past, except the lesson.

I cannot take credit for this, but someone here said,

"no new contact = no more pain"

Hold on to no contact and keep learning about how to live your best life.

Beth
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Old 07-27-2013, 06:52 PM
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Have you ever read the book called 'Women who love too much'. It was the first time I really started looking at myself because of what I had read.
It was painful to go through the recommended exercises but i did find that it helped me to start making healthier choices.

SR is so good because we are all here and can actually get a definitive list of dos and donts - .

Years ago I did the yo-yo thing because I didn't know any better. Now with SR and alanon - its great to have good guidance.

Just even knowing somebody else is feeling like this helps so much, i'm not alone in my craziness. Tonight my sponsor said to me - don't forget being with him was like death by a thousand cuts.

Hang in there.
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Old 07-27-2013, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by cr995 View Post
Have you ever read the book called 'Women who love too much'. It was the first time I really started looking at myself because of what I had read.
It was painful to go through the recommended exercises but i did find that it helped me to start making healthier choices.

SR is so good because we are all here and can actually get a definitive list of dos and donts - .

Years ago I did the yo-yo thing because I didn't know any better. Now with SR and alanon - its great to have good guidance.

Just even knowing somebody else is feeling like this helps so much, i'm not alone in my craziness. Tonight my sponsor said to me - don't forget being with him was like death by a thousand cuts.

Hang in there.
Perfect description....and I keep forgetting that. I needed to hear it. Over and over and over and................................
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