I believe that to detach is to accept that you don't have control over another's actions. You have control over your own. It sounds like you thought by detaching that the alcoholic would realize their problem and shape up....still trying to control another's actions. Accept it, set your boundaries and follow through if those boundaries are crossed. It is perfectly acceptable for you to say, I do not want this behavior around my children and I do not want them living with an alcoholic, but you better be ready to follow through. I told my AH after treatment that I was supportive of him and would stand by him, but there were a few things that I would no longer tolerate...I had done some thinking while he was gone. He was never to drink in the house or anywhere in the vicinity of my children and if he drank somewhere else, then he better have somewhere else to stay. I made the choice to not have my children see their father drunk one more day....it was better for them not to see him at all. These were boundaries that he could certainly live by and he chose to do so, he also knew that I meant business. This worked for me. I believe it was my al-anon group that helped me to realize what my boundaries were and that I deserved to be respected. After realizing this, it was a lot easier to demand this type of respect. Look back at step 1 and work through them again. Admit to yourself that nothing you can do can change his behavior and really work to change yours. Detaching isn't about turning a blind eye...but rather about stopping your controlling behavior over another person so you can focus your energy and time on things you can change....your own behaviors. Good Luck and be strong.