Thanks everyone - I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all! I do have places I can stay. I don't want to police him, and getting out would carve that in stone for sure.
It's ok right now - so far, I am not policing, or getting wrapped up in the honeymoon period, or settling back into the house like its mine. I am taking time for me, and keeping some emotional distance. When I first told him i was leaving, I told him it was because I was unhappy because of his drinking - it had just come to a point where I didn't want to live with it anymore. I still don't - I won't.
He's not drinking right now, and of course things are better. This is day 3. He made himself a doc appt for this Friday for an eval. He is staying busy, he has decided which of our friends he can't hang out with because they will always drink and he can't be around it at all. He is facing my family this weekend - yeah, good luck with that dude. He's got to face his family the weekend after that.
I don't know what is going to happen. I am having a hard time thinking about tomorrow. Or a week from now, a month etc. I have 1 foot out the door and one wrong move from him is all I need to close it as far as the booze goes. The outside of the door is probably a big bright beautiful future. Right now, although a MUCH smaller chance, the inside of the door feels the same way.
I always felt he was the perfect match for me - no man has ever fished, camped, or just generally been down for anything like I am - but him. He is genuine, sincere, honest, funny, and holds dear what I do. Is that because he was always drunk?! Dunno. Can I be happy by myself and doing those things alone or with friends - for sure. I loved my single times, and look back at it fondly. Are there good men like him without the monkey on their back? Yup. Plenty of them.
I know what the odds are. Right now, I know that I can't do anything for him. This is something he has to do - every painful bit of it. I can only take care of me, and put my splitting plan into action at the first sign of him not sticking to his word. And that's my plan for each day, because that's as far as I can get in thinking ahead. I just need to keep listening and talking here - and with friends and family. It keeps my brain semi straight. Thanks again all.