CFDMama

Hi there,

I'm brand new. I signed up here months ago when my boyfriend was having trouble staying clean, but I never got around to posting. But now, I need some serious support.

First, some background: My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. When we met, he was living in a Grace House (I don't recall if that's a general name or a specific name. I think it's general). Anyway, before we met he had been clean and sober for 5 years. After 6 months we moved in together. At the time he was working at a shelter near his previous home. The commute was long and things were turning bad at work (employees stealing, managers being unethical, etc.) and he just gave up and quit. I should've seen this as a sign. It took a really long time for him to get another job. He didn't have his own vehicle and was using mine all the time, which is a lease - putting miles and miles on it that I can not afford to pay off now.

Time passed and after a few temp jobs he landed in construction with a friend of mine's husband. It promised to give him all kinds of hours, but didn't really pan out.

Now, late in 2011 we discovered that I was expecting my first child. He really started getting into the work thing, but there just wasn't enough to go around. He started stressing more and more and started using. He was taking my debit card without me knowing (until bills came due) charged up my credit cards, drove my car all over the earth while I was working all day. Eventually he got his act back together and did really good for a long time. We welcomed our new son in the summer of 2012 and moved into a new, bigger apartment.

He finally started a new job with real full-time hours and great benefits. He was really enjoying the job and things were going great!

Last Wednesday he was fired from his job. After having an argument with a boss, they then tracked his GPS and found out that he was using the company vehicle to drive all over the place and they're holding his last check as it could be considered stealing from the company and have threatened to possibly bring up charges.

The week before this he told me he was using again. He took a few days of rest to "get it out of his system" and I thought things were getting good again - and then this happened. Now he's full blown. We've been at each other for days and I told him yesterday that it was time for him to go. He told me that he was looking into a long-term program to get back on his feet. Last night he came home and was just so cold to me - a shell of the man that I love. The negativity in the house has become so palpable that I fear that my son can feel it. It's impossible to be there with him. Today he was meeting with an old friend at a recovery facility. He's exploring his options. I'm not sure if he gets that I really need him to move out of the house immediately and I fear that he's going to do less than the 6 month stay at this particular place.

Now, if he's able to pull this off in 6 months and get healthy and get a job and a vehicle of his own, I'd be willing to re-explore our life together, but as of right now I have put my own life aside for so long. I'm left in debt with an apartment that I cannot afford on my own and our almost 1-year old baby boy.

I want to be supportive, but I always end up being more of a crutch than anything. I've given him more than he needed to succeed in life and he's taken advantage of that since we moved in together.

I apologize for rambling. These wounds are brand new and I'm not even sure if I'm looking for advice or comfort or what. I just want him to find himself again and I also need to find myself and I need to take care of our son and make sure he's never affected by this.

Thanks for reading.