wiscsober

Not sure about that title...

But years ago at an Alanon meeting a man said something that has stuck with me for years....honestly I have thought negatively about it...but now see I have a long way accepting myself as the male I am.

He said: "My ex married me because I was a kind, sensitive man, who was unafraid to show his feelings. She divorced me because she wanted a real man."

Seemingly trivial but hard to let go, "If I was more of a man my ex wouldn't have sought out all of those other men." "If I had a backbone I would have confronted the men, and quickly divorce."

I no longer mentioned my belief in Jesus in meetings, "because she said it was inappropriate."

I accepted her criticism when I "acted gay."

I accepted her criticism of my mother and family.

on and on...I even felt lower when she divorced me!

Over twenty years since we divorced.....I truly made amends to her by letter and in person....after the divorce I abandoned her with 3 toddlers.

After 10 years I saw her at our son's wedding...I avoided her as much as possible...a hello and handshake...it was quite amusing to sit at the family table with her, her current boyfriend, two EH, and a former boyfriend.

One thing I noticed is that she is still a terrible dancer...it was so embarrasing...and I remembered her telling me I didn't know how to dance!

Whatever...I'm embracing my maleness...I had pretty much loss my identity in several dysfunctional relationships and with my own alcoholism/addiction.

At 52 I'm still trying to be male...kind of sad....but a lot to work on.

Any advice/suggestions? Experiences?

Thanks