BriteBabyBlue

Hello,

I want to tell someone, mostly all of you on this forum, I have been sober for 30 days as of Sunday July 21st. Here are few of the many things I have noticed or thought about since I took my last drink.

No more - Waking at 2 am with a rapid heart rate and anxiety.

No more guilt, shame, and depression every morning because I drank the night before. I have been on anti-depressants for years, but now feel that the depressant effects of alcohol were counteracting my medication.

My kids can drink from my glass anytime now, they don’t have to ask if this is alcohol, I was constantly hiding it in various types of cups and then trying to keep them away from it.

My kids have not seen me drink in a month. My son told his Dad last weekend that Mom quit drinking, Dad said when, my son said about a month ago. My son is only 11 but told me he noticed it when I did not order a margarita at our favorite Mexican restaurant. My ex, who still drinks, confronted me several times now, wondering why I quit drinking, when, etc. I am not ready to discuss this with him. His body language, smirk, and tone already told me he didn’t think I could do it long term.

Now that my son and daughter know I have quit, I feel more accountable, and that is a good thing.

I have lost a couple pounds in the last month; feel lighter, clearer, cleaner, more focused and more enthusiasm for life. I want to do all kinds of things now I would not have before, mostly because I was so consumed with how I would do a certain activity or go on a trip and still drink every day. My interests in other things are coming back.

I have also felt lonely, different, and like I will not fit in (anywhere) any more. That’s funny because “trying to fit in” was one of the reasons I started drinking. I am wondering where, or how, or if I will ever, find non-drinking friends.

When I have been in social situations, or just around people in general, I have felt quiet and shy again, not as chatty without wine. In the last month I have been so aware of how everything seems to revolve around alcohol. In my neighborhood subdivision its cocktails on the deck, festivals are all about beer tents and wine tasting, restaurants push their drink specials on you, no event with my circle of friends and family is without alcohol, ever. That is really no excuse for me though; I drank at home, alone, every night, as well as with others. It didn’t matter.

At first I thought it seemed silly, an online support group, but I cannot tell you how much reading all the posts on here has helped me, motivated me, and inspired me. I could go on forever today, so thanks for reading this long post.