Flower 37 -- based on your posting, I take it your Dad was an Alcoholic as well. Join the club - mine too. And you are living with one. Again, join the club -- I do too (he's also an addict). I have the same feeling at Alanon meetings - confusion, lots of thinking and praying. I too am a black and white person. I guess I believe in the tough love thing as well, and I think sticking with it (the alcoholic or addict), or detaching from it/him/her while living with it/him/her is enabling. I ask myself the big questions
every day -- if I stay what am I saying? Am I agreeing with the addiction, the behavior? I have kids as well, and that is the heartbreaking part. I don't want them raised in the environment, I don't want them to go through what I went through.
My opinion -- think of your kids and you. What do you all need? Because, quite frankly, your husband has not been asking or responding to that question in the least.
God bless you and your kiddos.