flower37

Ive been in alanon for 7 years, and I feel very confused. I feel like by keeping quiet about my husbands problem, I have enabled him to put his system in place and am watching him kill himself, make our life hell, and hurt my kids emotionally.

I cannot just sit here and pretend nothing is happening, and actually in a meeting tonight I was told "detaching is not ignoring the problem." Hmmmm ok now I'm really confused.

I really believe the best advice I heard was at a treatment center my father went to, which is all about tough love. It's about just finally saying, listen, I will not live this way anymore, and if you want to kill yourself, go do it but I'm not watching anymore and will not live with you this way.

I have worked my program, done all the steps, go to meetings, prayed, prayed, prayed....

All I see is my kids suffering by living with alcoholism. And me. And everyone blaming me because I am the one who "won't lay down the law." Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

So the bottom line is, am I just supposed to learn from alanon that it's best for myself not to live with this and then get the self esteem not to?

If it is, I wish they would be more honest about it... if it's not, then I still feel I'm just making things worse.

I guess I'm still a black and white person. For now, I'm taking steps/days one at a time. Tt a lawyer, having papers drawn up because I don't think my a will take anything seriously without them, and working up the courage to make an appt with a counselor, and get the gumption to stand up for what I want in life.

The thing is, he's really miserable when he's not drinking, so where is that going to get me.

It really does get worse and worse. Helppppp