I "voluntarily" entered treatment many years ago, albeit under threat of legal consequences, and I easily acknowleged that alcohol hd become a problem. After all, therre was a laundry list of lost jobs, missed appointments, failed relationships, extreme depression, DWIs....these suggested even to me that alcohol was not my friend.
Yet even while in treatment I was planning one last "blow out" after my discharge. That didn't happen, I am glad to say, but I thought about. A lot. While I recognized that I had a problem, I still harbored some piece of hope that I could control it.
Treatment helped me understand that my personal decline correlated with my increase in alcohol consumption--and that I was an alcoholic even between drinks. The magic word was "surrender," and until I did that absolutely, without reservation, I would drink again.
There is no question in my mind that I can drink without consequences. If I had even a sliver of doubt about that I would probably give it a try. I would believe that I could handle just one more, or that I could return from a binge.
Admission is not the same as acceptance. I recall hearing people say, "Compliance is the most resistant form of denial," and today I understand that. I walked into treatment admitting that I had a problem, and that kept them from trying to pummel the denial out of me. But it wasn't the same as accepting, from the root of my soul and with every fiber of my being. That is what has kept me sober all these 24 hours, and it is why drinking alcohol does not even occur to me.