Originally Posted by
DreamsofSerenity 
I can only answer from my experience with my ex. I don't believe he was capable of truly loving me. He thought he loved me, and said he loved me all the time, but the alcohol always came first. In the end he chose the alcohol over me.
Loving someone means being able to put their needs above your own. An alcoholic's need to drink is so great it trumps all. Loving someone means you respect them, but I think an alcoholic has lost so much respect for himself, that he is incapable of respecting someone else.
So, no, I do not think an addict can really love his wife in the true sense of the word.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I could have written every word of this.
People have said to me that my EXAH loved me "in his own way". I don't believe that. I don't believe he was capable of loving me whatsoever. I think that his alcoholic mind saw the naive, unattractive idiot that I was--who happened to bring in a decent income--and discovered that by playing on my wish to be loved, he could pull a fast one and set himself up to continue his drinking, plus have food and shelter. I don't think he necessarily thought of that consciously, but it's how his mind works. I am still deeply ashamed after all these years that I was such a damned fool.
However, I do believe he loves our daughter as much as it is possible for him to love another person. Not enough to have supported her or put her before his alcohol when she was growing up, but he does make concessions for her that he never did for anyone else. And she knows his limitations and accepts him as he is. For that, I am grateful.
Overall, I think alcoholics cannot ever fully love.