Originally Posted by
firebolt 
Tuffgirl - I am trying not to take it personally - it is SO hard. I can't understand his irrationality and delusional attacks
Oh I get this. Lived it! And you know what? You can't understand because you aren't irrational or delusional! You never will understand it, but you can rationalize it because you know its what alcoholics do. That's about as rational as you can make this.
It's not about you at all. Honestly, I'm sure he loves you. I know underneath the alcoholic-fueled crappy behavior, my XAH loved me as best he could. Thing is, that love was toxic and dysfunctional and I don't want that kind of love in my life anymore. Ever.
Stay strong. Having firm boundaries and acting on them is an amazing act of healthy thinking and self-care. You are doing the right thing. You can't affect any change on someone who doesn't see anything wrong to begin with. Save that energy for more fulfilling and affirming activities that actually benefit your life.