PLease talk me down from the ledge.
I started it this am. I don't know why - I'm out in hopefully about 12 days - THANK GOD. Maybe I know why - I'm sick of him playing such a victim through this break up. And now, I'm being SUCH a codie - I need to get out of here asap!
I looked at his Facebook page (like an idiot) to find the "woe is me posts."
" Lost my best fishing friend and lover. I hope she finds what she is looking for." blah blah (puke)
I'm sick of him not taking ANY responsibility for ANYTHING! So I told him this AM "you didn't lose me, after I told you your drinking is not making you a good partner, you chose it over me. I am looking for YOU minus 11 half gallons of vodka per month!"
Honestly, it's all I can do to keep from logging on to his FB as him and saying sorry - I was drunk when I wrote that and I'm wallowing in self pity over the fact that 'm losing her because I won't stop drinking."
After I said that this am, he said "you verbally abuse me" and I asked how - and he said by not talking to me and getting mad at me (fair enough on the not talking part). Yeah, he left off the part that I get mad because of all the drunk bs.
His latest thing (in 2.5 years, hes never been verbally or any kind of abusive) since I told him it's over is to call me fat any time i've said he's done ANYTHING that hurts me. Yeah, I've gained a few pounds with him - he's gained a few pounds with me too. My newest thing is to dump out his vodka and calling him a drunk when he does that. I've never done that while we were together, I guess I am trying to kick him in the gut like him yelling FAT does to me. This effing sucks right now, and my temper that I've been so proud of locking away for years is suddenly back in full force.
UGG - I need to get off the merry go round, out of the dance, and duct tape my mouth shut for 12 days after a refresher course in detachment from you guys. I know hes irrational - and evidently now, just mean. Please tell me how I can NOT look and not let him get to me?!