That does sound really hard. Going through that alone. On the other hand, it lets you focus on your dad, and on your relationship.
When you can't talk to anyone -- you can always come here. Or, if that helps, WRITE. Write letters to someone (real or imagined) who understands. You can imagine the perfect person who would listen to you and tell you exactly what you needed to hear. And you can tell them anything.
Lots of prayers for you and your dad tonight.