Very timely thread. I am going to make a confession. I probably check threads at least 2-4 times a day. BUT, I just can't anymore. I love the support here, and I want to respond to the new members, but, I am actually getting burned out from it all. I feel like for me, that I am getting sucked back into the same feelings I had when everything happened. Sure, I have issues as well, but they are pretty much not an issue now that I am not with an alcoholic. I have soul searched, done work on myself, thought every thought, and it is all done now. All I need is for him to send the paperwork back and I can finally begin being officially single again.
I honestly feel that my AH's (hopefully soon to be ex...send the papers back damnit!) relationship was very very toxic. I have never had a relationship like that previously, great boyfriends, who, while we didn't work out, we can still hang out or be friends. With this guy? Never want to see him again. AH is very manipulative and I almost think that he is narcissitic or bipolar on top of his drinking, or maybe the disease makes him that way.
Either way, he has moved on, I am moving on, and I am so tired of thinking about it. We weren't married that long, and no children, so, I kinda want to just shut this book and start a new one.
To be honest, I feel like he died and I am feeling like I need to keep on living. Because, he is committing suicide, he hasn't gotten any kind of help, and he last I heard is getting worse. How long do I mourn someone who could care less whether I lived or died? It's insanity. And we all know what the saying about insanity is.
This is such a great place for so many people. I think my train stopped and it's time for me to get off. I hope to check back in a year or so to also give support to newbies, but right now, I am keeping myself stuck. And I need to get unstuck.