Welcome to SR......I have to say that your post triggered the living day lights out of me. To some extent.......I could have been the author of that post......30 years ago. It brought feelings to the surface that I had long forgotten or let go of.......
I did leave my XAH. He was not violent but he was very volatile and infantile. Talking to him was like talking to an angry, irresponsible, contrary 5 year old in a man's body. For the entire five years I was married to him, he threatened suicide if I left him.....and I knew within six months of marrying him that I had made an awful mistake. But it was the bed I made, so I felt I had no choice but to sleep in it.
I also went to a marriage counselor near the end....when I thought it was the last hope and I couldn't take it anymore.....I knew I needed help. I was hoping that having him speak with someone else to mediate would help. He went to one session, behaved like a child, and wouldn't go back. But I did. And yes.....she did validate my desire to leave him.....and I did leave him (we had a 1-1/2 year old son at the time).
Although my situation is a little different (he never attempted suicide...just threatened constantly), I came to the conclusion that if he elected to take his life, it would be his choice....not mine. He is still alive today......30 years later. Still addicted. Still angry. Still blames me for everything that went wrong with his life. And he introduced my (now adult) son to drugs at a very young age. In some ways (and I know this horrible to say....God forgive me) I wished he had made good on his promise to kill himself. I was angry at him for lying about that for a very long time.
The good news.......I divorced him and met a wonderful man two years later whom I've had the privilege of being married to now for 28 years. I can't imagine what those blessed 28 years would have been like if I'd stayed with my XAH. He77 on earth.....no doubt. Even divorced, my XAH did everything he could to try to bring chaos into our lives. I had to detach in a very big way to prevent him from disrupting our daily lives but he still managed to do so periodically. He's a very sick man.
There are two people you have a responsibility to....yourself and that little girl who can't take care of herself.....she needs a stable, loving parent to guide her through her formative years. Ask yourself.....is she getting that in the current environment or is she being taught that it's ok for a man to treat a woman like crap? Is this the type of relationship you would like her to someday have with a man? The relationship between you and your husband is her "normal".
I can relate so well with where you are right now......there are choices. And yes......the one thing I would change if I could about my own past......is I wish I had found Al-Anon or Nar-Anon OR gone consistently to a therapist to help me work through the stuff. I didn't do a good job of taking care of myself......I hope you do better.
Take care of you.
gentle gentle hugs
ke